January 4, 2011

Association for Slender Salad Eaters ‘Round the Year (A.S.S.E.R.Y.)

While you all were complaining about your gyms being invaded by New Year’s Resolutioners, I didn’t have that problem…. I had my own, personal workout room. Of course, the gorgeous elliptical only taunted me, since Rachel won’t still let me do cardio till next week, but I got busy with the free weights, and kicked my butt so hard that it was already sore when I woke up. Yay! But while I may be bragging about getting to use whatever weight I want whenever I wanted to use it, there is one New Year’s Resolution rant I have not yet seen posted on any of your blogs. Tell me I’m not the only one who is experiencing… the cafeteria salad bar line.

All year long, I walk up and there’s maybe one person in front of me. If that. Yesterday, I headed down at the usual time, only to discover a line that wound all the way around the salad bar and halfway out the cafeteria door! I couldn’t believe it. Surely they ought to have some kind of “express lane” for those of us who use this year-round instead of just for the holidays. You know, like a frequent flyer program, but for salad. I would totally have lifetime executive platinum for that. Or “lifetime big cheese,” or “the crouton,” or you know, whatever they call top status in a salad program.

Membership would entitle me to cut in front of everyone else in line before they can contaminate the other ingredients with their poor dexterity (you know what I’m talking about… when someone spills gorgonzola all over the broccoli or thousand island dressing into the fat free balsamic vinaigrette). Because come on… these resolutioners do not have the necessary expertise to use the salad bar appropriately. They may not be quite as bad as the VBITs who don’t know how to take their belts off (or bring so much junk that they can build an extra “person” by throwing their coat over the pile in the window seat, causing the flight attendants to miscount the passengers three times and delay the flight 20 minutes before figuring out the problem was with the idiot in 10C… not that this happened to me on my Monday morning flight or anything), but they absolutely do not deserve first dibs my beautiful salad bar.

And newsflash: it’s basically the same thing as a burger if you put a thin layer of lettuce, a cup of corn, a cup of chicken, and one slice of tomato, topped off by 1/4 cup of creamy ranch dressing, 1/2 cup of cheese, and a cup of croutons. Just go back to the burger line and don’t forget your side of fries… we all know you’ll be back there in a week anyway. Oh, and…

Who’s with me on this one?


12 thoughts on “Association for Slender Salad Eaters ‘Round the Year (A.S.S.E.R.Y.)”

  1. Hahaha this is pretty funny to me – especially since I am not a salad for a meal person! I like a side salad with dinner or something, but I can’t stand salad for meals! Even adding grilled chicken, they don’t do anything for me and I always feel deprived.

    My bulgur salad is as close as you’ll see me get to salad for meals! Although actually I do LOVE a good Greek salad with the lettuce, tomato, olives, cucumbers, green peppers, onion, and feta…mmm…maybe I could do that every once in awhile!

  2. Haha! I don’t know, as I pack my own lunch and don’t do cafeterias and salad bars! But I do agree that an overdressed salad is a nightmare! I am always frustrated that most restaurant salads are heavy on the meats and cheeses, etc and skimpy on the veg! That’s why I pack my own…:) (And I’m quite surprised that my Y hasn’t been busier this week, but maybe that’s because I’ve gone in the morning instead of after work. And wait, is it still only Tuesday?!)

  3. This post was great! If only there was an elite access line. And don’t forget the VBIT who can’t believe their 28-inch bag won’t fit through the screener! Love the new header-awesome look!

  4. I’d say be proactive and pack your own salad lunch but you know those asshats are clogging up the produce aisles in the grocery stores too. Hang on to your patience–they’ll start giving up soon.

  5. I’m with you! And I think I should have special extended time limits at my gym. I’ve been giving them my money for eight years. I should get some perks!!

    I do like ranch dressing though.

  6. I WISH I could pack my own salad – it’s so much cheaper and I can pick better ingredients! Unfortunately, while I’m traveling, I can’t slip a knife, peeler, or dressing through airport security, which leaves making my own out ๐Ÿ™

  7. These same people sometimes act all virtuous by ordering a salad at a restaurant, and they smother it in dressing and cheese and the salad is just some sad iceberg lettuce, a tomato wedge, and some carrot peels to begin with! It’s not automatically healthy just because it has lettuce. (I have a friend on WW who constantly comments on how many points she’s eaten, how many she has left, etc – how she’ll “only have a salad” when I’m ordering a sandwich…argh!)

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