December 29, 2008

Chia, stop paying off Boyfriend to sabotage my weight loss

Yesterday I planned to go on a long run in the morning, ending at Boyfriend’s place where I could enjoy the Westin Heavenly Shower I got him for Christmas. His phone was on vibrate across the room, so he didn’t hear me calling and didn’t give me a call until 5 PM, when it was already dark out.

Last night, I planned to go to a free pilates class at Lululemon Athletics. I haven’t taken pilates in years and I used to hate it, but my core is stronger now than it was then, and yesterday was my day to work my core anyway, so I figured it would be cool to try something new. But because I hadn’t seen Boyfriend during the day, he wanted me to come over for the evening.

I was a little bit annoyed about these things, but not actually pissed off – the first one was an accident, and I didn’t discuss the pilates class with him yesterday when I agreed to come over, so he didn’t know I was skipping it to see him.

But the fact remains – I skipped workouts to see Boyfriend. To make things even worse, he tried to cheer me up by going on a special outing… to Magnolia Bakery. It’s bad enough that he lives only one block away, but to go there and inhale the deliciousness and try to be good… that is tough. Boyfriend inhaled a vanilla cupcake with chocolate buttercream frosting, and debated whether he should follow it up with some banana pudding (they make the best banana pudding of anywhere, and my vegan banana pudding is certainly good… but not that amazing). Meanwhile, I sat and tried not to lick my lips as he ate.

While I persevered last night by managing to avoid touching both Magnolia and the takeout Boyfriend got from Dallas BBQ (I even managed to avoid the pina colada, preferring to save my alcohol calories for the shitshow that will be New Year’s Eve), it’s definitely tough to be in a relationship while trying to lose weight. Boyfriend is so fantastic and is so nice to me, constantly telling me that I’m beautiful… but that kind of permissiveness is not really what I need when I struggle to drop the last 5 pounds. I don’t need him to tell me I’m fat (I realize that would probably lead to a complex, as it did when my father constantly joked about the slight belly pooch I had as a teenager… I would give anything for that body now!). However, a little kick in the pants can be a good thing.

This morning, I opened my Google Reader to find a post on Cranky Fitness called, Boyfriends and Husbands: Health Hazards? I immediately thought “yes, yes, yes, they are!” and clicked through to read the article. In it, Crabby reviews Jenna Bergen’s book Your Big Fat Boyfriend: How to Stay Thin When Dating a Diet Disaster, and also discusses her own thoughts on staying healthy with a partner. Crabby’s post is really interesting, and it sparked a lot of discussion in the comments section that also intrigued me.

I think what’s frustrating about the whole thing is exactly what others complain about: not only does Boyfriend eat tons of crap, but he rarely works out… and yet is still in ridiculously hot shape. To steal from my comment:

“Living in New York, a lot of people eat a lot of takeout, but I make a really strong effort to cook 95% of my meals so I can eat better and control what I’m eating. Not only does he get takeout, but he’ll get the most unhealthy foods you can find on a takeout menu. At Dallas BBQ, he’ll get an order of barbecue fried chicken AND an order of chicken fingers. At the Chinese restaurant, he’ll get sesame chicken and throw in a few egg rolls. When we order pizza, he’ll eat most of the pie (at least it keeps me from eating more than a piece or two).

What I REALLY don’t get, even more than the eating, is that he works 80-90 hours/week (he’s one of the “lucky” survivors in investment banking). This means he not only doesn’t have time to go to the gym anymore, but he’s also sitting at a computer 15 hours/day and getting no physical activity. And yet, his chest/arms are still totally cut! Meanwhile, I have two weeks off from work and am working my butt off at the gym and eating healthy… and I’m struggling to even get any definition in my muscles.”

Anyone else have issues with trying to lose weight and stay healthy with a partner or family who makes it difficult? How do you deal with it?


20 thoughts on “Chia, stop paying off Boyfriend to sabotage my weight loss”

  1. Yeah, I know its hard to eat right living where you live. I mean, if lived there, id probably go out of my mind eating out so much because that is my second favorite hobby (behind running). i love eating out. try not to fret, your marathon pics show you are easy on the eyes. take care.

  2. This is really going to piss you off.

    I took a rest day yesterday.

    Polished off a cheeseburger and a basket of fries.

    Bowl of fettucini alfredo.

    Probably about 6 beers…

    … and weighed in three pounds lighter this morning.


  3. I totally agree that happy relationships are terrible for the diet. The husband and I both grew up with happy and sad moments tied to food and eating. It’s a hard thing to break.

  4. My high school/college bf was bad for my figure (like 90+ lbs bad). Of course, he was also bad for many other things.

    The architect? When we met I was fat & inactive. Because he was so active, I started being active – and now, although I’m still struggling with that last 10-20 lbs (can’t decide), I think that’s now my issue. Sure he can eat more than me & exercise less & not have weight issues – but he still does exercise quite a bit (just not as much as me, anymore) and since I’m in charge of 99% of the food, it all works out.

    I totally feel your pain, though. Totally.

  5. OH man I totally hear you….the BF puts away fast food like it’s his job. He’ll eat it three meals a day…and is still ramrod thin…no gym, just sitting at work at all day…how is it possible?

  6. It’s tough! I had to force some of my eating habits on my boyfriend. He’s a fantastic cook, but he cooks with lots of cream, butter, whole milk, etc, which I never touch. I’ve learned to now worry about some of it and just eat less, but I’ve also made him compromise on some things with skim milk, less butter, etc. I also make him add salads and other veggies to meals more often because I feel gross if I don’t eat enough veggies. He’s actually lost weight because I make him eat more healthy (and no meat), while I feel lucky to have maintained my weight, though for me I just think it’s loss of muscle after the marathon and gain of fat. I’m dreading when that stops working in my favor! I also drag him on a run occasionally.
    Anyway, I think it’s a compromise, but if you haven’t already, just be honest that you need to eat healthier and sometimes he’s going to have to eat what you would. You seem like you’re doing well with your Magnolia’s and pizza examples, don’t stress too much!
    The workout thing is tough, I know I skip workouts to be with him. I’m hoping that being on another marathon schedule will help me get back on track…or maybe when the relationship gets older it will be easier to leave them for a few hours? I don’t know!

  7. Since I already yammered on about this at Cranky Fitness (and thanks for the mention!) I’ll spare you a rerun. But you TOTALLY have my sympathy. And I don’t know WHAT they put in the banana pudding at Magnolia’s, but omg it is as hard to resist as their cupcakes, which is to say nearly impossible!

    Sounds like you’re striking a really good balance in staying healthy but being a little bit flexible.

  8. What a great topic, I totally agree!! My boyfriend does NOTHING, I run four times a week, yet the one time he comes running with me he can run faster and longer than I can. WTF! It’s frustrating that’s for sure!

  9. My husband HAS to eat large amounts of carbs – bagels, cookies, icecream, you name it – because otherwise he loses weight. I had to get used to having these things in the house all the time, and to seeing him eat a few cookies and an icecream bowl every night. Very tough. Now I have the “3 bites only” rule and I don’t feel deprived. Still, deep inside there is …envy:) Ana-Maria

  10. Amen

    The captain still cooks for me (even though we are technically broken up). How on earth does one say “no” to a big ass steak, crab legs and some fancy side dish? On a weekly basis. I swear when we really break it off I drop 5 lbs without even trying.

  11. My (former) boyfriend was once over weight so he was always worried about gaining weight again. However, he loved to eat, especially anything smothered in cheese. So he wouldn’t feel guilty, whenever he wanted to eat something bad, he would buy me one of the same and try to make me eat it. It would really piss me off and I would tell him that.

    My advice to you is to ask your boyfriend to call you after he is done eating dinner so you are not tempted. And try to tell boyfriend that while he may not get fat, that doesn’t mean he is healthy – eating that food can give you high cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. Maybe that will get him to eat better.

    Oh and by the way, the former boyfriend did sit ups for one week once, and had a six pack by the end. NO FAIR.

  12. It catches up to them…just wait. A while. A really long while. But still, eventually, that metabolism grinds to a chubby halt.

    And then? They’re shocked. Shocked! “But I was always a 30″ waist! Always!”

    Your recipes look great!

  13. i definitely know what you mean… sometimes its SO hard to go workout when you want to see your person or when they want you to just stay home.

    when i first met chris i had the opposite thing going… i didnt really start working out until we met so i lost a bunch of weight and got in great shape in the first 6 months… working out and eating healthy is kind of something we share so its nice to have that in common πŸ™‚ there are still those days though when he is begging me not to go running and its really hard to get out the door.

  14. I think not only boys, but friends in general make it tough to lose weight or even stay on track because everyone tends be a bit more lenient when in the company of others. And guys, ugh…they can just eat more b/c their bodies burn more cals. Not fair. As for how your bf has a cut body without working out and eating fried chicken, I have no idea!

  15. Not sure how old your boyfriend is, but as he gets older, I imagine it’ll be a lot harder to maintain a great physique with poor eating and no exercise.

    So, just stick with him and you’ll have the last laugh. πŸ™‚

  16. Oh man I know what you mean. I live with the guy who works out max an hour a week and looks like the hulk. In addition..he can lose 10 lbs by taking a crap..and todays menu (hes on the road…driving to see me..but still) donuts and a whole cheese pizza. Its tough…hes twice my body weight..and its hard to try and eat half as much.

  17. Oh yes – I TOTALLY know what you mean. My BF always looks amazing – but LUCKILY he’s getting back into ‘riped’ shape as he likes to call it so we’ve been eating super healthy and getting our workouts in.

    But there was a time when I would skip the workouts to lay on the couch. But now – thankfully – we push each other. And if we don’t get our workouts in we’re super moody πŸ™‚

    I have put on about 10kg since being with my boyf. He is THE BEST (getting married in 3 weeks!) but he places absolutely no importance on diet/exercise. He is supportive, in that he doesn’t actually STOP me from exercising and eating healthy, but he’s a shocker for takeout and video games. He has introduced me to the sinful worlds of pizza and soft drink ( I drink ‘diet coke’, but still) and he serves me the same size portions as his which I have to constantly remind him about – seeing as I’m from the ‘clean your plate’ style of parenting (thanks mum, thanks dad!) He recently felt the paunch around his middle and said “right! I’m going to walk the dogs with you everyday!” and proceeded to do it ONCE.
    Boyfriends are diet-disaster areas.

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